3 months ago, I had an idea for a series…
What if I wrote about all the things guys never talk about? The stuff we avoid, laugh at, gloss over, and keep shoved down deep so that we can function (almost) like normal human beings in society.
So, I made a list.
A list of things I didn’t want to talk about. Things that made me feel less than. Topics that stirred up the gunk and made me want to hide.
I tried to write about these things in a new way, one that was fresh and irreverent and funny and accessible. I wanted all the word vomit to help people. To make them genuinely love themselves and their minds more.
And you know what, we did it.
Together, we crawled our way through dozens of books, thousands of words, and a whole mess of emotions. Now, we are officially emotionally mature men with nothing more to change about ourselves. 😏
But in all seriousness, I hope something you read from this series actually changes your life going forward. That you see your insides a little clearer, so that your outsides become a little less scary.
Because that’s the point.
We work on who we are alone so that we can be a better version of ourselves out in the world. The more you like love yourself, understand yourself, defend yourself, honor yourself — the better you are for the world. For the ones you love. For the story you’re trying to make come true.
And it’s my fucking privilege to be part of it.
What We Learned
In case you don’t intimately remember every idea from our 20,000+ word series, here’s a brief recap of each f-word.
Fear is a “neutral visitor.” It’s not meant to be ignored or squashed or ran-away from. It’s meant to be listened to. Like so many misunderstood emotions, it’s a partner that ultimately wants the best for us (so long as we train it to understand what that means).
Failure is bad when we see it as a single gross, sticky, heavy thing that prevents us from moving forward. But if we disassemble it and start to see it as a whole Lego project of pieces (some good, some bad) — that allows us to pull out what we need to change, grow, and crush it the next time around.
Fun is an invitation to not take life so seriously. Not in an immature way. But in a way that “injects simplicity, energy, connection, novelty, personality, and presence into anything we face.” Because life’s too short to feel like a burden.
Freedom is a call we have to learn to hear. It takes time, practice, and often costs more than we’re initially willing to pay. But it is everything. And by that, I mean it's the only way to discover who you really, fully are.
Flow is about learning to work with the current of your life. That doesn't mean choosing the easy path out of fear, but out of wisdom. Out of listening to what's around you, inside you, and choosing a way that allows you to be carried. Life is often harder because we make it so.
Fake is about becoming a new thing, in whatever way that happens for you. Sometimes, it's by choice; other times, it's by necessity. But our part, regardless, is acceptance. It's folding in who we've been with who we are, while leaving room for who we're becoming. New never feels like we think it will, and that's okay.
Focus is “more of you in fewer places.” It’s about trade-offs. Big ones. And about letting yourself be seen. Focus looks like staying still in a world that’s always moving. They’re going to look at you weird. But you’ll be too happy to notice.
Frustration is what happens when we neglect our power. Not big man, beat your chest, yell at people kind of power. I mean the using your voice kind. Power that comes from learning yourself, and making that true self known to others; boundaries, bruises, and all.
Forgiveness grants autonomy. The more gunk we hold in, the more influence others have over us. Over what we do and who we become. That's gross. Be selfish instead and take back your life.
Faith is believing beautiful things. Even when it feels silly to do so. Especially then. Because those kinds of thoughts transform how you see the world, and yourself. And all great things require a bit of illogical optimism.
A Man and His Mind
I want you to leave this series knowing that you have the power. The power to face your feelings, to be your whole self, to choose differently.
I want you to know that a man is more than what he does. He is more valuable than the money he makes. He is more useful than the skills he’s acquired.
Men are allowed to be soft and kind and scared. You’re allowed to wrestle with your insides and to evolve in ways no one saw coming. You’re allowed to live a life that doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
Your mind is your friend. Your partner. Your guide.
It wants only what’s best for you, and it will use every emotion and thought in its arsenal to get you there. Your job is to give the partnership room to flourish. By being honest. By being brave. And by talking about the things most men never do.
This is how we bend pink steel.
—DR