The F-Words Series
About the things left unsaid.
My mom’s backhands were fast. Like a Royce Gracie takedown fast. I’d barely get out the first syllable of a swear word before…
Fuh…*smack*
We don’t use words like that in this family.
Damn, did I learn quick.
My little brother, though, let's just say he was a bit stubborn. Okay, a hell of a lot more stubborn. He was also quick too. The little sucker learned to dodge just as fast as my mother could strike and eventually faster. Which led to a whole new slew of Spanish swear words being dropped into our vocabulary.
The f-word was a no-go. I wasn’t allowed to say it at home, at school, or at church. So, it was reserved purely for friend-only zones. Playgrounds and N64 parties in each other’s basements. There, we could swear as much as we damn well pleased.
Quietly, of course.
God forbid a parent heard and came down to check on us only to discover that instead of playing Super Smash, we had *borrowed* the Titanic movie to rewatch the drawing scene for the tenth time.
We loooved…art. But I digress.
Whether you grew up in a household that allowed swearing or not, there were things you weren’t allowed to talk about. Names you couldn’t bring up. Topics that were strictly off limits.
And so, you learned to dance around them. You carried these stories/memories/pains/joys/questions silently.
I thought that by growing up, I’d be able to carry less. That I’d have a smaller list of unspeakable things, but I was wrong. The list grew. And with every step I took across the bridge from boyhood to manhood, something else was added.
For men, we have our own collection of f-words that maybe won’t get us outright backhanded, but they will get us strange looks, or lowered opinions, or seen as weak, or passed over at work, or a thousand other consequences we’d be hard to list out because – for so many of us – we’ve adopted silence as a duty.
And we’ve paid a heavy price as a result.
It’s time to change that.
Over the next few weeks, I want to invite you into a series of f-word conversations. Around things like fear, forgiveness, fun, and failure. I want to talk with you about the things it feels like we're not allowed to talk about. Things that matter, even if we haven’t let them matter to us for a long time.
Talking about this stuff saved my life. Maybe it will save yours. Or change it. Or expand it. Or blow it up and then give you the courage to build it back into something even better.
No more dodging my friend.
In the wise words of survivalist Tallahassee, "It's time to nut up or shut up.” And here, staying quiet isn’t an option.
Welcome to the F-Words series.
Links to full series below.
